Parang, Java? Old blade?

[Ian]

Originally Posted by A. G. Maisey

... One other little thing that I probably should add to my comments on the nature of Javanese communication is this:- there is an overall tendency, or maybe even commitment, to try to provide responses in communication that reflect what the responder believes the other person wishes to hear. In simple terms, if we believe that the person we are speaking with is of the opinion that it is not raining, even though we can see the rain drops falling, we do not point out that it is definitely raining, we give a response that in some way agrees with his opinion.

Javanese people try not to be confrontational and not to disappoint a questioner. Truth & accuracy are not valued if they fail to agree with the perceived belief of the other person.

Alan, I think this is no small thing for outsiders to understand. The co-existence of "objective reality" and an "alternate reality" is well accepted in spiritual matters. Indeed, I would say it is the norm for Westerners to perceive the physical and spiritual worlds as parallel but different realities.

But when "objective reality" is contradicted, despite clear evidence to the contrary, most Westerners find that hard to accept. We might think that person is delusional or suffering from a mental illness if they insist it is not raining when it clearly is.

When this spills over into business transactions, it can be very frustrating. For example, you want to buy some tailored clothing and ask when it will be ready. You are told "next week." Next week comes, and it's not ready. It will be ready "next week." The same scenario repeats itself several more times, and after six weeks the clothing finally appears and it is excellent. Everyone is supposed to be happy and grateful that a successful transaction occurred. What bugs me, however, is why not say at the start "we are very busy and it will take six weeks." But that might disappoint me, so we go through the "next week" polite response several times before it is done. This wastes my time and theirs. I would much prefer to know what the actual state of affairs is than be treated and placated like a child.

This approach is common throughout Asia and SE Asia. I'm sure many people on this Forum have their own stories to tell of similar examples of how Asian politeness offends them. However, when in a foreign country we need to be respectful of different practices and customs. So I've learned to go along with the "polite untruths" and excuses to preserve harmony. That doesn't mean I think such behavior is polite, honest, or transparent. It's part of the cost of getting things done in different cultures.