As a newbie here jumping in the deep end, i'd grab these as i swing out of bed, the doggies giving me a few more moments to warm up....

or mebbe

or if i had a few minutes, i'd grab the ol' barn door & axe & sling the spatha over my hauberk & i'd be ready for anyone who could get past my two 65lb., 45mph landsharks. you can get in, but don't plan on getting out.

they're not scary, really

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CAVE CANEM ET SEMPER PARATUS
Dic, hospes Spartae nos te hic vidisse iacentes,
Dum sanctis patriae legibus obsequimur

If they don't want me to eat animals - why do they make them out of MEAT?